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“Was it real?”

I opened my eyes and glanced at the clock. 3 a.m. I was panting heavily.

“What’s the matter?” James asked groggily. I looked at him. I could just about make out the hard line of his jaw from the faint light of the clock.

“You’re sweating all over,” he said, pulling the quilt away from me. “Nightmare?”

I nodded. It was the third night in a row that I had seen the same dream.

“The same?’

I nodded again. The only difference was that this time I actually saw James being killed. But I didn’t need to tell him that.

“Will you please check on Harry?” I asked him. He was out of bed before I’d finished. I sat up. I closed my eyes and revisited my dream. Voldemort discovering us. James trying to hold him off. I was shielding Harry upstairs. They were in the room now, and Voldemort killed James. Voldemort then looked at me and smiled. I wasn’t going to relent. He advanced in on me. Was it real, I’d asked myself. Then I had woken up.

I went to the bathroom and splashed ice-cold water on my face.

“He’s alright,” said James, closing the door behind him.

“James,” I started, “I think we need to change our Secret Keeper.” All expression drained from his face. “I know,” I said, “Sirius won’t give us away. I know he won’t. I trust him as much as you do. Problem lies in the fact that he knows it too. And he might capture and torture Sirius.”

“Sirius will never yield,” came the stubborn reply.

James went back to bed and did not utter a single word. I sighed. I knew I couldn’t change his mind.

***

“Mamma, fly!” squealed Harry as he zoomed across the room in his miniature broom.

“Yes darling, you’re flying,” I said, smiling. I looked at James. He was pacing faster than before.

Then we heard the sound of the engine. Harry heard it too. He stopped flying and looked at me, happiness glowing in his big green eyes. “Siwius!” he exclaimed.

The front door opened, and Sirius walked in. Harry ran out to hug him.

“Hey, Harry!” Sirius scooped him up and set him on his shoulders. He nodded at James and waved at me. “I have something important to discuss with you. You need to sit down.” He was looking at James, maybe trying to gauge his expression. James, on his part, was blank.

I handed Sirius a cup of tea. He smiled as he sipped it.

“I’ve been thinking,” he began, “That you need to change your Secret Keeper.”

“If Lily put you up to this –” began James, looking accusingly at me.

“Lily? No,” interrupted Sirius. “Were you thinking of it too?” he asked me. I nodded. “Well,” he continued, “Voldemort knows I’m the one you both trust the most. I’m sure he has a battalion of Death Eaters following me. I have been, and am, very careful. But who knows? What if, by any chance, they capture me?”

“You’re too good a wizard,” growled James.

Harry was pulling at Sirius’ untidy locks. He gently plucked Harry from his shoulders and set him on the floor.

“No,” countered Sirius, “Dumbledore is.” He was smiling. “But I wasn’t thinking of him,” he continued, “I was thinking – Wormtail.”

“No. No. No.”

Sirius looked at me. And I looked at James. “So you mean to say, when – if – you get captured, you’ll just tell them where we are?” asked James. The sarcasm was biting.

“Stop behaving like an idiot. You know what I mean. And I think my plan is a good one. No one in the world would ever imagine that Wormtail is your Secret Keeper. And we don’t need to tell anyone. It stays within the four of us.”

“Not even Moony?” I asked, surprised. No one replied. “Well,” I said slowly, “I agree with Sirius.”

James looked at Sirius. Harry had somehow managed to climb back onto Sirius, and was now pulling at his long curls, giggling and squealing.

“Me being the Secret Keeper is almost as good as telling the Death Eaters where you are. I can conceal myself, don’t doubt that, but I don’t want to take a chance. Dumbledore is an obvious choice too. So is Moony. Wormtail won’t be on anyone’s mind. Not even as a last resort.”

I was still looking at James. I knew it was he alone who would make the decision. Not even I could help him do it.

After what seemed like an eternity, James nodded.

Wormtail was called, and within an hour, the transfer was done. Wormtail now carried the weight of three lives; of our lives. If there was anyone who could tell Voldemort of our location, it was Wormtail. Only Wormtail.

***

“Dinner is ready,” I said. James got up – and we heard a creak. The gate was being opened. We froze. Nobody was supposed to come. No one had contacted us. Instinct prepared me.

Before the door could open, I snatched up Harry and looked for my wand. It was nowhere to be seen.

The door opened.

“It’s him, Lily! Take Harry and run!” shouted James. Wandless, James tried to protect us. I was already in Harry’s room when I heard Voldemort killing my husband.

Then he was there in the room. I shielded Harry with my body.

“Stand aside, girl,” said Voldemort, raising his wand.

“No, not Harry!” I cried. I spread my arms out wide; I had to give Harry all the love I could.

The last thing I saw was Voldemort pointing his wand at me and the last thing I heard was Harry crying, “Mamma!”

Then the jet of green light hit me.

*Title taken from J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

**First published in The Assam Valley Express.